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Articles
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> The Generation Gap [Part 4 of 5] by
Naseer Ahmad Faruqui Sahib
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The
Generation Gap -- Part 4 of 5:
by Naseer
Ahmad Faruqui Sahib
The Light (July 1, 1976)
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[Readers are requested to read, if
they have not done so already, the previous
three instalments of this
article]
I have heard many young men say, "Our
parents brought us into this world in having their sexual
fun: so it was incumbent upon them to look after us. What
special favour have they then done to us?" It would have
been better if such unworthy children had not been brought
into this world. So far as sexual satisfaction is concerned,
it would have been had without incurring the life-long
liability to bear and rear the children. What suffering and
sacrifice the mother goes through to bring a child into this
world is well known. And what the father undergoes, in the
way of life-long expenditure and liabilities, not to speak
of the burdens of care and anxiety, is also well known. All
this to bring an ungrateful (and later rebellious) child
into this world is enough favour. But consider what happens
afterwards.
Responsibility
or Favours?
If bringing up was the
responsibility of the parents, they could have discharged it
through somebody else or an orphanage. Why should they have
denied themselves everything of this life to bring up such
an unappreciative child? Why should they have given so much
love, affection, tenderness and everything they possess in
the way of money and time, and denied themselves a
comfortable and luxurious life, to provide comfort and
luxuries to their children? Why should they, if the need
arises, sacrifice their own lives gladly to save the lives
of their children?
So that what the parents do, is much
beyond the call of any responsibility that may fall upon
them. It is overwhelming favours next only to Allah’s
favours. The Holy Qur’an says: "Is the return for
favours anything but favours?" (55:60). That is why. It
requires the children, in the verse I quoted in the earlier
parts of this article (17:23), to do goodness and favours to
their parents as they did to them.
Expenditure
on Parents:
The modern youth say: "We can
hardly live in what we earn. How can we keep our parents
with us and incur the resulting expenses?" I say to them: "
When you were living with your parents, did they ever
consider for a minute that you were a liability on them? Did
they not make extreme financial sacrifices even to the
extent of taking loans, to finance your upbringing and well
being? Did they not go without food, clothes or their own
much needed medicines or comforts to provide your needs?
Then why do you think of the financial burden (mostly of
food or medical treatment when the parents are ill) of
keeping your parents with you? Can there be any greater
ingratitude than your attitude?"
Why Should
Parents be Kept with Us?
The modern youth say, "Very
well, we will give our parents some money to live on. But
let them stay separately." In pursuance of that thinking, in
Europe and America there are old people’s, homes or
hostels, where they are kept on payment.
But I ask those intolerant youth who
think on these lines, "Did your parents ever think of
putting you in an orphanage or any place other than their
homes, unless it was for your own good that you should stay
in a hostel? Their motive always was your good, not their
convenience. Then why do you throw your parents into an old
people’s home or insist that they live separately, for
your own convenience?"
In the old people’s homes, there
is no affection or care or even companionship with
one’s near and dear ones. In the world famous
Readers Digest I once read letters from old parents
living in such homes. They said that if their grown-up
children had put them in such commercially run homes they
were reconciled to their lot (look at their unselfishness!).
But their children should be so good as to visit them
periodically or occasionally. If they cannot even visit
them, they said, they should at least write to them so that
they know that they are well.
No Visits,
Not Even Letters:
But it does not happen like
that. Life in modern times has become so busy, in the West
today, in the East tomorrow, that it is difficult to take
time off to visit people not needed, nor necessary for your
profit, like old parents; nor can people find the time to
write letters to them. But the real reason for such neglect
is the selfishness and hard-heartedness, which makes the
younger generation, put its old parents in such homes in the
first instance.
If the parents are living with you,
they can see you or talk to you during such time as you
spend at home. That is sufficient for their dear hearts,
which hunger for the love and affection of their children.
In old people’s homes, or living alone, the old parents
are not only broken-hearted, but they begin to suffer from
depressions, melancholia, and other mental derangements.
Some of them put an end to their own lives, because they
feel that they are no longer wanted and are a burden on
their ungrateful children, or because they suffer from
depressions, melancholia, etc.
It was also reported that in such old
people’s homes, if the old parents fall ill, which they
frequently do, they do not get adequate medical attention or
care or nursing. Nor can they get special food, which they
need because of their failing digestions or their physical
deficiencies, even if they are not ill.
Younger
Generation’s Attitude:
The trouble is that the
younger generation also dislikes having old people in
failing health around it. But may I remind these youth that
when they themselves needed looking after, when they were
weak or sick, their parents used to leave no stone unturned
and spared no effort, nor their own comfort or money, to
look after them. No doctor or medicine was too expensive, no
special food too costly, no nursing impossible, which they
did procure or provide whatever the consequences to their
resources or their own health. They kept awake at nights,
after a long day of worry and effort, after a strenuous day
in office, to look after you. And all this was done most
willingly and gladly. Can there then be any more heartless
ingratitude than that of the grown-up children who would not
mind if their parents suffer alone when they are weak and
frail in body and mind, and cannot look after themselves,
but they (the grownup children) would not like to spoil
their own pleasure or comfort?
Live
Separately:
In our country, we have not
yet got old people’s homes. So a few youth, who are
more generous than most, are prepared to give some money to
their parents provided they live separately, even their
lonely widowed mother, within my knowledge! However, these
young people do not realise what hell they compel the old
parents to live in.
Firstly, houses or flats are now very
expensive. So how can old parents, who either have no income
of their own or have at the most a pension, afford them?
Even if they have a roof of their own, how can they afford
to keep servants or even one servant, whose assistance they
need badly in their old age and failing health? The servants
are now very expensive, and soon they will not be available
at all except to the very rich. Such servants as can be had
are no more honest, by and large. Cheating in the daily
shopping they do is almost universal. And now it is quite
common for them to take advantage of the old age, infirmity
or other disabilities of the old master or mistress to rob
them and decamp with the loot. They even kill the old master
or mistress before ransacking the house so that there is no
witness left to guide the police.
The Trump
Card:
The younger generation now
plays its trump card. If the servants are becoming scarce,
they ask, do you want us to serve as servants to the old
parents when we can hardly manage ourselves without
servants? My answer is, "Yes. When you were infants or
children, did not your parents serve you as servants? Unlike
the present day servants, did they ask for fixed hours of
duty, weekly off-day and one month’s paid leave every
year, that is stretched to the extent the servant pleases.
Where there is no water-borne sanitary system, even the
present day Bhangis (scavengers) refuse to clean the
latrines. But your parents performed even such obnoxious
duties for you without hesitation. They would take your
vomit on their hands, and wash your dirty person and dirty
clothes. Then why do you cavil at serving your parents when
they are in their own second childhood?"
The Holy Prophet (pbuh) said
wonderfully wise things. He has called service of the
parents as a Jihad or a struggle. It is really a struggle
for the children against their own bloated egos. They have
to struggle with their arrogant selfishness to serve their
parents.
Other
Considerations:
The servant problem or the
high cost of living is not the only factor weighing against
parents living by themselves in their old age. There are
several other considerations. It is becoming impossible for
a person on pension to buy or maintain a car these days.
Even if they have cars in their old age or poor health, the
parents may not be able to drive themselves. Can they afford
a chauffeur? Do you then expect them to stand in queues for
a bus or wander in search of a taxi/yellow-cab/rickshaw? Or
do you want them to foot it in their frail, tottering
condition?
"But we can’t afford a driver
either, and drive ourselves. Do you want us to act as our
parents’ driver or to find time or spare the car for
them, when we need it ourselves?" they ask. My answer is,
"Yes. Didn’t your parents do that for you
willingly?"
Burglaries, robberies, murders and
similar other crimes are now growing appallingly throughout
the world. Do you want to expose your parents living alone
to these grave dangers? Did they expose you to them for the
sake of their own comfort and convenience?
Taxes are now multiplying throughout
the world. Young people in business or service, who have
subordinate staff to employ for paying these taxes, do not
realise what a nuisance it is to pay them. You have to queue
up outside an office, bank or post office. And if you are
over-assessed, you have to go from pillar to post to get
them reduced. Do you feel no compunction in exposing your
old parents to these worries and impossible exertions by
making them live separately? Would they have even thought of
it when you were weak and frail?
I could go on giving reasons after
reasons in support of the Quranic injunction that when your
parents, one or both, grow old they must live with you
(17:23). But I must now conclude this part of the Divine
commandment.
Kind
Words:
The next verse is, "Do not say
‘Fie’ to them, nor chide them and speak to them
kindly and respectfully" (17:23). That the teenagers are
rude to their parents even when living with them and
sponging upon them for all their needs and extravagances is
well known. But if the parents are thrown upon the grown-up
children's mercy or hospitality, the position gets much
worse. The son or his wife vents her resentment over the
old parents living with them by being rude to them most of
the time. This breaks their heart and they sometimes leave
even if living separately has all the discomforts and pain
described above. The old parents are hungry only for love
and affection in their last days, and nothing pleases them
more than a kind and respectful word from you. Give them
that, a small return for life-long love, affection and
endearing words, which your parents gave
you.
Bird’s
Wing:
Next, the Holy Qur’an
uses a curious metaphor when it says: "And lower to them
[the parents] the wing of humility out of
mercy" (17:24). The Arabic word "jinah" means a
bird’s wing. Why has this metaphor been used? A little
reflection shows what a wonderful book the Holy Qur’an
is. In the case of all forms of animal life, the young one
after birth soon gets up on its feet and can walk about.
However, it does not desert its parents. The only exceptions
are the birds. Their young ones, after being hatched, cannot
fly because they have no wings. So they sit in their nests
with their mouths wide open clamouring for food whenever
they see their parents. And the poor parents have to search
all day for food for their hungry young ones. However, the
moment the latter get the wings, they fly off and away, thus
deserting their parents. The Sublime Qur’an says to the
young ones of human beings, "Don’t behave like young
birds and desert your parents the moment you are able to do
so, but keep them with you as already
directed."
Prayer for
Parents:
The next injunction in the
Holy Qur’an is, "And say: My Lord, have mercy on them
[my parents] as they brought me up (when I was)
little" (17:24). In other words, the children can never
fully repay the kindness and favours of their parents. There
is only One Being Who not only appreciates them fully but is
Omnipotent and All Resourceful so that He can repay them
adequately. Beseech Him for merciful treatment of your
parents, as they were merciful to you throughout life. Also,
remember, if you happen to know it, how your parents prayed
for you day and night and wept their hearts out for you,
particularly when you were in the slightest trouble. You
should not also forget them in your prayers. And if they are
dead, which often is the case, then they are in the Hands of
Allah.
The Holy Prophet (pbuh) gave us this
prayer in the following form: "O Allah! Forgive me and my
parents and have mercy on them as they brought me up when I
was young." What deep insight the Holy Prophet (pbuh) had in
matters spiritual! The biggest obstacle in the way of a
prayer being accepted is the sinfulness of the person
praying. Therefore, the Holy Prophet (pbuh) taught us first
to seek forgiveness for our own sins. The next obstacle can
be the possible sins of the parents. Therefore, their
forgiveness is next sought. And we are taught to beseech the
Merciful Providence that as our parents over-looked and
forgave our weaknesses and faults, and overwhelmed us with
their love and favours because of their mercy for us, thou
may also be pleased to treat them in the same way of
forgiveness and unlimited favours, out of Thine much greater
mercy.
The Promised Messiah (Hazrat Mirza
Ghulam Ahmad Sahib of Qadian) has written that after a
person is dead only two things of this world can reach him
or her:
(1) Any on-going charity that
he or she may have left behind, and
(2) prayer for the
deceased.
Therefore, we can make amends for all
our defaults in serving our parents by praying for them or
by setting up a charity in their name.
A Secret
Exposed:
The last part of the verses I
quoted say: "Your Lord knows best what is in your minds. If
you are self-correcting, He is surely forgiving to those who
turn (to Him)" (17:25). What a wonderful insight this verse
gives into one’s innermost recesses of the heart!
However much may the children outwardly respect, or treat
well, their parents, they cannot help feeling in most cases
some inner resentment or anger or revolt against their
parents for what they do or say to them even if it is for
their good. So the Holy Qur’an says: Do not let even
these inner reactions stay in your breasts. If you do,
sooner or later they may burst out into open disrespect or
ill-treatment. These reactions within you are due to your
selfishness, short-temper, lack of broadmindedness, etc. So
seek the purification of your inner soul by removing these
inner reactions and seek Allah’s help for this purpose.
He will accede to your prayers if you turn to Him whenever
such reactions occur.
The
End:
One could go on enlarging on
the sublime wisdom of the Holy Qur’an, but I do not
wish to tire my readers. So I end with the prayer that the
Merciful Providence may enable me and my readers to benefit
fully from the sublime guidance He has graciously given us,
before our time is over.
Ameen.
Please read
part
5 of 5 of this article,
too.
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> The Generation Gap [Part 4 of 5] by Naseer
Ahmad Faruqui Sahib
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