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Articles
Section
> Conjugal Concord by Naseer Ahmad
Faruqui Conjugal
Concord: 1. Conjugal discord is so widespread and there are so many unhappy homes and broken marriages, particularly in the West, that the future of mankind depends on saving the institution of marriage. Mankind itself failed to find the right way of going about it. Religions, other than Islam, provide no guidance. What light does Islam throw on this vexed question? 2. Firstly, the Holy Quran describes what the Great Creator Himself intended to be the relationship between man and woman, in these words: "And of His signs is this, that He created mates for you, of your own souls, that you might find solace in them, and He put between you love and compassion. Surely there are signs in this for people who reflect" (30:21). So that the beautiful and unique need of man for the woman, and vice versa, itself provides signs of the sublime wisdom of the Great Creator. What He intended was that men and women, created of the same soul for this purpose, should find solace, love and compassion in each other. Then why has this beautiful relationship turned sour? 3. On this question too, the Holy Quran had fore-warned us thus: "And We said, O Adam, dwell thou and thy wife in paradise, and eat from it plenteous food wherever you wish and approach not this tree, lest you be of the unjust. But the devil made them slip from it, and caused them to depart from the state they were in. And We said: Go forth, some of you will be the enemies of others. And there is for you in the earth an abode and a provision for a time. Then Adam received (revealed) words from his Lord and He turned to him mercifully. Surely He is Oft-returning (to His creatures), the Merciful" (2:34-36). Students of the Holy Quran, already aware of the allegorical account of Adam and Eve in the Book, know that: (a) Adam and Eve were created, not in the heaven of the Hereafter, but on this earth (2:30). The other and external paradise is in the Hereafter (55:46). The paradise in which Adam and Eve were born, and in fact each man and woman is born, is therefore the state of paradise within each human being at his birth, due to his innocence and purity of soul. 4. Therefore what the verses (2:34-36) quoted in paragraph 3 above, state is that: (a) Each man and woman is born in a state of paradise within him or her. 5. Let us apply the above to the husband and wife (man and woman) of today. They follow such inner light as each one has been given, but that is blurred by the devil in two ways: (a) By inciting evil within each one of them. Let us take each of these evils one by one. Evil: 7. The importance of guarding against evil (Taqwa) to a successful marriage and a happy home is so great that all the three verses of the Quran (4:1, 3:101, and 33:70) recited by the Holy Prophet at the religious service on the occasion of marriages emphasised the need for the husband and wife to be to guard against evil (Taqwa). And the prayer taught by the Holy Quran to a couple seeking a happy marriage and a blissful home runs as follows: "Our Lord, grant us in our spouses and our offspring the joy of our eyes, and make us leaders or exemplars for those who guard against evil" (25:74). Here the praying spouses are exhorted to set an example of guarding against evil to each other and to their children, if they want to have a blissful home. 8. Human beings themselves cannot determine what evil is, for moral standards are apt to undergo drastic changes at human hands. For instance, adultery and even homosexuality have now become acceptable in the West, the latter having been legalised in most countries. So only the Great Creator can guide us on this all-important subject, for therein lies, not only the happiness of this world but also of the Hereafter for us. And the Holy Quran, the only Divine Book acceptable in this age of reason and knowledge, is a complete guide for those who want to guard against evil (2:2). Differences of
Opinion: The wife takes to taunts and the husband to beating when he is drunk. The ever growing number of separations or divorces is not a correct indicator of unhappy marriages which are much, much more. Religions other than Islam, and human laws, have failed to give the suffering humanity the solution to this problem. Before I mention the key to happy marriages revealed in the Holy Quran, I must mention the rights given by Islam to women. Women's
Rights: 11. The Holy Prophet, in his farewell address during the last pilgrimage, exhorted men to look after the women well whom Allah had entrusted to their care. Of his other exhortations in favour of women, one may be quoted: "The best man among you is he who is best in his treatment of his wife and children." The Holy Quran made it an incumbent duty (4:34) on men to maintain woman, i.e., look after their maintenance in every way, their safety and their honour. The women were however given the right of earning themselves: "For men is the benefit of what they earn. And for women is the benefit of what they earn" (4:32). The Final
Word: (a) Women have the same rights against men as the men have against women, in a just manner. 13. The above solution of conjugal differences of opinion or disputes has been strongly objected to by some of the modernised women. They protest that they should not be required to accept the men's opinion if it is not right. Who is to decide whether the wife or the husband is right? Obviously both claim to be right; that is why a dispute arises. So how can such differences leading to disputes, which arise almost daily, be resolved? Obviously the parties can't go to court everyday and for such petty matters. Nor can appeal to Papa or Mamma of either party be made everyday. Moreover, they themselves are likely to take sides. So there is no solution except to make the opinion of either the husband or the wife prevail to settle these differences and disputes within the home. The Holy Quran has directed that if the difference or dispute cannot be resolved amicably in the warmth of the love and compassion which the Great Creator has placed in the marital relationship, then the husband's opinion should prevail. Why? Because: (a) Most of these differences or disputes involve the spending of money. And it is the husband who has to earn it. So his limitations must decide whether any contemplated expenditure should be incurred or not. (So many husbands have to resort to illegal means to find funds for what their demanding wives ask for). 14. If this solution is not to be adopted, then married people must suffer the consequences of daily bickerings and brawls, loss of mutual love and affection, separation and even divorce. In fact, because of the emancipated women wanting to have their way on each occasion, men are now going off marriage particularly in the West. And the role of a mistress or unmarried mother is not in the interest of the women. So they had better accept the solution suggested by Islam. Articles
Section
> Conjugal Concord by Naseer Ahmad
Faruqui
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